Wednesday, April 7, 2010

i deserve it

i have forever struggled with my body image... since about 5th grade.  my first year of college i was in the best shape of my life (size 6 sometimes even a 4) and i thought i was fat.  to make matters worse i thought everyone else thought i was fat too, and wouldn't like me because of it.  with each pregnancy i've just gotten bigger and bigger.  hating myself more each time, but not feeling like there's anything i could do about it.  i love to workout and i workout hard.  i've run 1/2 marathons and done resistance training and never lost more than a couple pounds.  i would blame it on the food that i just can't resist.  the tuesday after my birthday my life changed.  i want to share it with everyone for a couple reasons.  someday when my daughters read this (i hope to have my blog printed into a book) i want them to understand that being a girl in this world can be hard, but their not alone.  i hope and pray they each love their bodies, but just in case one of them struggles like i did i need them to know i understand and they're not alone.  next, i know i'm not the only one who has felt this way, so if i can help just one of you then it's all worth it!!!  also, this will be a big part of my life so i feel like i should document it.  and just to be clear...this isn't about "looking hot".  don't get me wrong that's definitely and added bonus, but my real quest is to have a healthy body and to be comfortable in my own skin.  to have my body match how i feel on the inside.  (2 years ago i had my cholesterol tested and it came back on the cutoff line between normal and high.)

on march 9th i started a program called Live the Life by  i'm not going to go into the details of the program because it's a lot of information, but basically the program tells you exactly what to eat, when to eat it and has a detailed workout schedule.  i have been eating so healthy and doing awesome workouts that have a specific purpose.  i've lost 7.5 pounds, .5 inches in my waist, and 1 inch in my hips.  besides the physical changes, the mental and emotional changes have surprised me even more.  i have so much more energy.  i'm happier.  and the most amazing thing is i now know I DESERVE IT!!!  i used to go to bed every night feeling guilty and angry at myself for not having more self control.  now i go to bed every night so proud of myself!  i 100% turn to sweets when i'm stressed.  i already knew that before, but it became so obvious this past week.  i had stuck to my eating plan perfectly until last wednesday.  that day we were waiting to find out if derek got a job he interviewed for, which is a great job, but means we would be moving again... it was a very stressful day and i cheated and ate treats.  the rest of the whole week was stressful and it was a rough week for me and my food plan.  i gained .4 lbs.  i now have a plan to deal with my stress differently.  i realized that i would justify eating crappy because "i was stressed".  but really... life is stressful.  if i justify eating unhealthy because i'm stressed i will end up weighing 500 pounds!! ha ha

so the initial program is 12 weeks long.  i am currently on week 5 and i will post before and after pictures after the 12 weeks is over.